May 24, 2011

What happens when two of the biggest boy bands in the history of boy bands create a celebrity baby-name portmanteau that somehow sums up the entire history of pop music by updating it for the Facebook generation?

Yes, ladies (and possibly gay gents) of America (and whoever in Europe still cares). The album released today of the same name and accompanying double headlining tour has effectively combined the powers of New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys into a mega-corporate boy band that says “fuck it” to time, space and all logical continuity by bringing together nine okay-looking thirty and forty-somethings (most of which have had their own solo music and/or movie careers with varying degrees of success) who at one point in their lives were the object of affection for millions of lonely and unloved high school girls. Now that all of their fans has moved on and become adults with (hopefully) real jobs and actual men who know that they exist, who wouldn’t want to go back to that wonderful time of crushes and MMBOPs and sing along so such existential hits as “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)” and “Hangin’ Tough”? In fact, I want to go back there so badly that I will be memorizing the two new songs recorded by this Lou Perlman wet-dream of a supergroup–“All In My Head” and the single, “Don’t Turn Out The Lights,” which is an ode to the early days of Autotune club hits via BSB’s “The Call” and Jennifer Lopez’s “Waiting For Tonight.”

NKOTBSB is a huge bummer for fans of Color Me Badd, Take That, 98 Degrees, Hanson, NSYNC, 5ive, LFO, Boyzone, BB Mak, Dream Street and O-Town who have been anxiously awaiting their star-studded comebacks. But rumor has it that the HansoNsync and LFO-Town quadruple headlining tour will begin booking dates pending the success of NKOTBSB’s album tour. GET YOUR BUTTERFLY CLIPS READY!!!!!!


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