June 18, 2009

Another year, another Lakers championship, another excuse for fairweather fans to dust off their car flags and oversized Kobe jerseys and get wasted after a fucking parade marches down Figuroa. At least Mayor Villaraigosa had the wherewithal to ask for private donations instead of dipping to his large cache of set-aside reelection funds and made a statement along the lines of: “L.A. deserves to revel in itself for a day” as if we don’t every day by going to Coffee Bean and hiking to the Hollywood sign. Los Angeles is the city that invented decandence (which we passed onto Vegas) and our movie industry, Rodeo Drive, obsession with plastic surgery and 80s Sunset Strip metal scene prove it. Why do we need a parade? Are we really rewarding all the asshole Lakers fans who burn cop cars and trash cans and looted local convenience stores while screaming “Lakers won! Everything is free!,” giving them an excuse to call out of work and march towards South Central like they own the place?? At least Dodgers fans are docile enough to end up at the Short Stop in Echo Park while my girlfriends and I drank whisky gingers and danced to James Brown last night while all the Kobe-philes were back at Barragans’ margarita night with their dress-jerseys embroidered (in purple) with the previous night’s winning score. God bless the Raiders for getting out of here. God knows what kind of civil unrest our complex city would have to deal with if we had a winning football team.

Let it also be said that organized sports are a distraction from what is really important. People are rioting in the streets of Tehran because of a botched election to overthrow a dictator and we would prefer to riot because our basketball team won. How much more backward can America get?


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