what the fuck: HULU

May 12, 2009

Part of an ongoing series in which I ask various people and entities: “What the fuck?”


What the fuck, Hulu? First you give me all the free TV shows I want and now you’re letting networks pull their stuff off because they’re scared I’m not watching as much TV? Well, for one thing, they’re right. When my cable bill went up to $160 a month, I cancelled it and turned to my wide collection of VHS tapes for entertainment. But once in a while, when I was jonesing for an old school episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia or someone dropped a 30 Rock joke, I Hulu-ed it up and never thought twice. But, the networks have caught on and like my stepmom discovering that I was sneaking out of the bedroom window, Hulu is being forced to install some depressing “security” bars.
But what the networks don’t realize is that to pull their shows off of a service that is so widely used and—whether they know it or not—very ingrained into the way in which people as busy as me watch “TV,” is to, for lack of a more politically-correct phrase, be a goddamn Indian giver. Don’t get all huffy because we actually used what you gave us!

At least when Metallica sued a bunch of 11 year-olds from Long Island for downloading their riffs, it wasn’t counter to the fact that they posted them on Napster in the first place.

I understand that the media outlets are worried about their declining viewership, but removing our free online TiVo might be removing the only way we watch the television at all. Just because content gets pulled from Hulu doesn’t mean I’m going to reinstate my overpriced cable service, watch shitty versions of the shows on YouTube or show up at my grandma’s during primetime because, to be honest, I don’t care enough. And whatever ounce of shit you conned me into giving with your hilarious Alec Baldwin superbowl commercial went out the window with all your talk about “rethinking the wisdom of sharing content for free.” Instead of scooping out mushy rotten banana brains with a melon baller as planned, the networks are angering a legion of solid-brained fans, driving us even further away from the old norm of media loyalties.

Don’t you guys get it? We’re post-postmodern consumers. We run the Internet like Veruca Salt ran her daddy’s pocketbook and our apathy for your low numbers is higher than Miss Salt’s nasal bray. If you build it, they will come and if you tear it down, we are going to get pissed off.


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