jeopardy asshole

March 27, 2009

I just watched this guy win his third straight day in a row on Jeopardy and I can’t get him out of my head. His “three-day cash-winning total” of over $75,000 (unheard of in Jeopardy dollars) does not complement his smug look of self-accomplishment or his cocky “music nerd” vibe that emanates through the TV. Normally I watch the show so I can play along and pretend I’m hanging out with my grandparents again, but this time, it became a challenge for me to see if I could beat Fred Beukema from Minnneapolis, St. Paul. I kept my own score (giving myself the benefit of every first buzzer if I knew the answer) and if it wasn’t for Final Jeopardy (“19th Century Architecture,” answer: Statue of Liberty) I would have had that fucker in an intellectual headlock. I even got all the lame questions about the mountains of the world as if my adreneline looked them all up in the encyclopedia so I could beat the guy. He just stood behind his podium with his perfectly-etched name on the blue screen below him and smirked every time he got an answer right as if to say “give me something difficult, Trebek, you know I’m better than this” and I spent half of Wheel of Fortune fuming over his promo clip on the Jeopardy website, in which he plugs himself with the worst sentence to ever be uttered in the history of the English language.

Hey Twin Cities, I’m Fred Beukema from Minneapolis, home of Prince. Now that I’ve purified myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, I’m ready to take on Jeopardy.

Haha. I bet he practiced it in front of the mirror for days and called his mother to ask if she thought it was clever. Still oozing with unearned arrogance and sporting “I’m so indie rock” glasses, he definitely bragged about being from the richest suburb of the Minnesota capital. The only other person I’ve known from Minnetonka got an Audi TT for her sweet 16 and was severly punished for being busted for underge drinking at a party by being grounded from use of her boat for 2 weeks. Seriously, though, who makes sure to drop Prince’s name in their Jeopardy publicity video? And why do the people on Wheel of Fortune make more money for getting really good that those word puzzles in US Weekly than actual smart people on Jeopardy (except Fred)?

EDIT: For everyone who thinks that Fred is a non-asshole-douche who would pay for your coffee while you make Purple Rain references to each other and help you move into your new apartment (even on short notice), I would like to admit that my rant is just that—a rant. You don’t have to tell me I’m mean spirited, try and “call me out” to prove he’s really “a nice guy” or tell me I’m the real asshole because these are things I already know. I write this shit for myself because my sense of humor is worse than Fred’s and no one reads anything I write on this piece of crap virtual diary. It’s not meant to be well-researched Truth with a capital T and never in a million years did I think it would rile up all his best friends. It’s just a rambling, angry comglomorate of words that I wrote before Wheel of Fortune finished because I needed to get it off my chest and I hope that one day, even Fred can laugh about it with me.


17 Responses to “jeopardy asshole”

  1. Anon said

    Fred is a nice guy. Go easy on him.

  2. Angela said

    As you can on an internet blog.

  3. Susan said

    He’s from Minneapolis. The reference to Lake Minnetonka is straight from Purple Rain. You should know your shit before you bash him. I thought he seemed like a nice guy.

  4. Andrew said

    He’s not from Minnetonka, it’s a Purple Rain reference. Oh, maybe you’re not so good at trivia…

  5. Two thoughts:

    1.) You obviously don’t know Fred, or you’d never suggest that our unassuming pal would be so cocky or self-absorbed. I suspect that you mistake relief and pride at a correct answer for an overconfident sneer.

    2.) For someone to criticize someone else for being a “cocky music nerd” after dedicating pages of their blog to a review of SXSW seems to be a case of the raven calling the crow black.

  6. olivia said

    wow. this is really mean spirited.

  7. Erik said

    I’ve never met Fred, but I wonder: have you reflected on how you “come across” in this blog post–that is, in an environment (unlike national television) in which you control every bit of your self-presentation?

    If you do, you might find some merit in going easy on people.

  8. Anon said

    Wow, you are a really angry person! How sad.

  9. Jen said

    I don’t know you so I’m not going to judge you by your one post. Judging you from your one post would be just as misguided as judging Fred without knowing him. I only vaguely know Fred, he is one of the nicest and most hilarious people you will ever meet, seriously, hilarious. I’m sorry you misread him. I’m sorry that people might be misreading you as well.

  10. EJ said

    Go you! You’ve totally given this guy cred. and you’re getting his name out there. I heart Fred.

    I think the real issues here are:

    1. someone named Fred realllllllly pissed you off once
    2. you’re pretty bitter about that classmate of yours who had the Audi.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  11. Rick said

    I know Fred and he’s a pretty awesome guy. On the other hand, commenters, let’s not deny someone their right to make a villain out of someone they don’t know for entertainment purposes. It doesn’t hurt Fred any…and it makes Jeopardy a lot more fun to have a nemesis.

  12. Uh, I knew Fred, too (he went to Grinnell College, which is a pretty tight bunch so that’s probably why you’re getting all these hate-comments.) I personally think that the guy I knew 10ish years ago would think your post is hilarious. I dunno, it’s your blog and he’s just a dude on the TV. I wouldn’t worry about it.

  13. Becca said

    You’re all just a bunch of cold ass pussy’s. This was a fun read!

  14. Student said

    Believe it or not, His wife, is getting her teaching degree so she’s currently filling in for My history teacher.
    She’s also a smug douche bag…

    She likes to brag about how he brought home 70 grand.

    it’s very annoying
    she’s a horrible teacher anyway..
    good luck to her.

    As for him, he is a smug asshole who grins every time he knows the fricken answer, and I think him and his wife are perfect for eacother.

    • fakebadtaste said

      That sounds horrendous! I had a teacher who was married to a backup singer for George Michael and we had to watch an episode of Oprah where he performed just to see his wife in the background. And the questions remains: How does this benefit my education? Oh well, glad you found my post! I love insider info.

    • Fred said

      Oh for f’s sake.

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